How do you {I) afford to be a stay at home mom? Question Answered

This question has been asked of me a number of times.  At first I thought it was a bit rude to ask or even say, but after recently being asked again I thought to myself "maybe it's not meant in a rude way, but rather she's actually looking for advice or insight on how to make it happen for herself".

This is my attempt to answer the question {that I know I wondered myself once upon a time}...
"How do you {I} afford to be a stay at home mom?"

Let me preface by saying...my hubby isn't bringing home a couple hundred thousand dollars a year {in fact when I first started staying home his salary was almost half of what he's making now}.  We've been on both sides of the fence {income wise} - I stayed at home after our first child, went back to school and then working full-time, and have been back home full-time for the last four years.  In our situation after doing the math {costs associated with me working: daycare, food, clothes, parking/gas, etc.} the take home pay wouldn't be worth the time and stress of a full-time job.

We have decided/chosen that for us it is important for the kids to have one of their parents home with them {I'm the blessed one that gets to do it}.  The 18 years that we have them at home {God willing} are short and important - for us, the extra money in the savings account and 401k accounts can wait.

In a nut shell: it hasn't always been easy, but we choose to make it work.

To Start With...We took a leap of faith.  If we had said "we need to save for such and such first", it never would have happened...there would have always been something to save for or something more we would have "needed" first.  We trust, believe, and have faith that we will always have "enough".

We budget!  We haven't always done this.  In fact we only started seriously budgeting less than a year ago after completing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University, but it has been life changing!

The month we started Dave's program we were practically living paycheck to paycheck.  Within 6 months we paid off a number of debts - the biggest being our van {which we paid off 2 years early!}.  We still have debts we are paying off {stupid school loans}, but we have a plan and are plugging away.

We don't eat out {very often}!  We used to be so lazy in planning dinner so we would resort to eating out last minute.  We still go out, but we budget for it.  I'm not a great meal planner - I don't plan meals out a month or weeks at a time, and don't have a freezer full of ready to make meals, but we are making dinners at home and saving money.

We buy on Sale and skip the name brands!  I'm not a coupon-er {I don't have the patience or the time} but I do my best to be mindful of buying when on sale - especially kids clothes, etc. We don't buy/pay ridiculous amounts of money on name brand things for the kids {at age 9 and under North Face, Uggs, and other brands aren't necessary}.  I'm honestly not a good thrift shopper for clothes, I'd rather watch for stuff to go on clearance or sale at the store.  When I do have time and energy I like making some clothes for the kids.  I buy a lot of our produce {clean 15} at Aldi {their selection of organic items is growing too} and have seen a tremendous amount of savings since starting shopping there.

We choose not to go on elaborate vacations. Would we like to? Of course! But we choose to use our money in other ways.  We still do "getaways" with the kids, and last year we did our first 10 day family vacation to Texas {visiting NASA, Sea World, and more}, but they're always planned & budgeted for...never put on a credit card.

We choose not to drive fancy/brand new cars.  One of the blessings of my husband's job is a company car, but we haven't always had this benefit.  The car he had before this job was paid for {nothing fancy, but it worked}.  I mentioned above our van is now paid for & we have thankfully found a mechanic that we trust and is very affordable to help us maintain it.

We choose to live in an adequate house.  No, it's not in my dream neighborhood, or dream city {heck it's not even in my dream state}, but it is affordable, safe, has enough space, and is within our means of need {vs. want}.

We choose our entertainment wisely.  We always pay cash for "entertainment" things {this way we don't spend more than we have}.  Entertainment is something we plan for...my hubby doesn't go golfing every weekend in the summer.  He would love to, but it's {the cost} just isn't necessary.  We rent movies instead of going to movies.  We don't go to the mall to "peruse" ...too tempting to buy something we don't need.  We opt for evenings in with friends rather than going out to dinner or going out for drinks.

These are a few of the ways we have made me being a stay at home mom "doable".  Sure, we miss out on some of the things we would like to do, but nothing brings greater joy and fulfillment than just "being" with the kids, spending time with them, watching them grow, and being there for them.

There will be a day and time in life when I can work again {not that I'm itching to}, but there will never be a time in life that I could get back missed days and years with the kids.

What tips do you have for making staying at home "doable"?  What have you done to budget and save?

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Diagnosis: Peanut Allergy {A New Season in Life}

Our son recently went in for his two year well child visit.  The visit went great!

We did have a couple of concerns...

No. 1...concerning behavior and tantrums.
Diagnosis...{after a slight chuckle from our Dr.} it turns out we have a very normal 2 year old boy and there should be no concern from us at all.

No. 2...concern of possible peanut allergy.
{long story short...almost a year ago, W got a hold of a small piece of peanut butter granola bar and put it in his mouth - we were able to remove the granola bar from his mouth before he could actually eat it but immediately swelled in the face and broke out in hives}
Diagnosis...

I think I had convinced myself that his reaction a year ago was "just a fluke" and that the test would come back with an "all clear".

Unfortunately things didn't go that way and we have now entered a new season in life.  A season of learning...peanuts are in many more things than we thought they were.  A season of being aware...a hungry, growing two year old boy can have the tendencies of a dog {eating anything from anywhere}.  A season of being alert and making "changes"...

Any tips on living with a "peanut allergy child" when you have other children who love PBJ's and other forms of peanut products?

Ultimate Parent Fail {the night the tooth fairy didn't come...}

Yup. It happened. The post title sums it up...

The Tooth Fairy forgot to come, breaking a little heart.

The minute I sensed the sweet little soul beside my bed waking me up {at 5 in the morning} I KNEW!

With silent crocodile tears streaming down her cheeks she softly spoke, "the Tooth Fairy didn't come...she forgot about me".

Ugh.  I wanted to die {not really, but there are not words to describe how utterly terrible I felt}.

I tried to think quick..."honey, it's soooo early still...maybe she just hasn't made it yet?".  Lame attempt, but I was desperate.  I took her back to her bed and snuggled with her trying every trick I knew to try to get her back to sleep, but it was not happening.  The tears silently continued.

I had failed.

An hour passed.  The tears continued to flow.  I felt horrible.  And then it came to me.  I did what a panicking parent in a pickle would do.

I lied!

Yup.  I did.

We had recently moved so I used it as my excuse!  I told her that the tooth fairy probably hadn't received the notice that we had moved/changed our address yet {hey, I was desperate!}.  And she accepted this "excuse".

She waited patiently.  And wouldn't you know the tooth fairy did come...she left a teeny tiny hand written note {as the tooth fairy always does} and included an explanation and apology of why she hadn't come {she went to the wrong house, of course}.  She {the tooth fairy} did compensate extra for that tooth too...

This has been my "mommy fail confession".  I sure hope I'm not the only parent who has ever found them self in this situation???

living thru a creative "slump"

I lie awake into the wee hours of the night filled with ideas and images of inspiration...

In my head I'm writing blog posts with the creativity, detail, and interest that could rival the peek days of my creative writing talents {back in high school}.

I'm filled with ideas that I would love to paint, sew, design and create for my house and family.

But by day...my abilities to write and create are as dry as the Sahara Desert.

My blank canvases remain blank...

The sewing machine and serger remain covered...

Bins of fabric sit packed away...

Walls are bare...

Blog posts are difficult to write...

Brainstorming produces nothing more than the sound of crickets in my head...

Uploading and "tweaking" pictures seems daunting so it goes undone...

I find myself in a season of "creative dryness".

Have you ever met one of these?  How does one "cope" or get over the "wall"?

Dear Target {please don't ruin my sanctuary}

Target rocks!  Right?

{Well, I do have an on-going "bone to pick with them" in regards to their infant/toddler boy clothing selection...or lack their of, and definite lack of anything cute for boys...but that's another post}.

So... for me...Target is Mommy Disney World!  That's how I felt until tonight anyway...

I had an experience tonight that made me want to run far, far away to a Walmart store.  It stuck with me so bad that I'm tempted to write a letter and it will go a little something like this...

Dear Target...

Let me start by saying I Love Target {most of the time anyway}!  I am a mother of four with frequent needs that require shopping at Target.  It is a marvelous store.  Target to a mother is as Disney World is to a child.

Target is my go-to "sanctuary" when I am able to get away for an hour or two away from the kids.  I love spending my time shopping in peace and quiet, wandering aimlessly, loading my cart with "stuff" that I {not my children} am choosing to purchase.

Tonight, however, my Target "sanctuary" was destroyed when I visited my local Target Store only to experience the obnoxious noise of music blaring throughout the store.  Not calming, wordless music, but the same overplayed "pop" crap music you hear on the radio or cranked in a teen-y bopper store in the mall.  

My question is WHY???  Why is the music necessary?  STOP THE MADNESS!!!  I'm not even going to get into the lyrics that I don't particularly care for my children to hear {they weren't explicit but they weren't exactly "kid" appropriate either}.  I worked in retail for a number of years and I've heard the whole "music makes people purchase more" theory.  Target is not a store that needs to play that game.  I have no problem dropping money at Target - it does not take loud music to make me buy more.  In fact this evening I spent considerably less than I typically do during a Target shopping trip because I couldn't get out of the store quick enough!

My plea is PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE stop the music!!!  I beg of you not to implement it in other stores. 

Please don't force me to find a new "sanctuary" for my "mommy time".  

Perhaps this music "annoyance" to me is just a "test store" thing.  Maybe I am over-reacting to the {overplayed pop} music?

Would you prefer Target stores played music?

Money Saving Moments {Saving Money at Target}

Oh... Target!  How I love thee...

Have you seen this before...?

{source}

That is was so me!  Target has always had a way of getting the best of me and my debit card.  It was nearly impossible for me to leave without spending $75.  I always saw something for the kids, the house, or whatever that I just had to have.

One of the things that has been keeping me {momentarily} tied up {and away from blogging} is a class that my hubby and I are taking together.  It's a financial/budgeting course...that is awesome {I wish we had done it five years ago}!!!

If you're interested in one way that we have started saving money, read on...

One of the biggest takeaways that we have had from the course is to start using cash for things like groceries, gas, and Target type trips...rather than use our debit card.  I cannot express how incredibly life {money} changing this small step has been.

So, my "Money Saving Tip" to pass on when going to Target {or Walmart}...

1. Make a list {be specific of what you need}
2. ONLY take enough cash to pay for what is on your list {don't forget tax}

This change in our shopping has saved us sooo much money!

The first couple of times that I did this I left my wallet at home.  I brought only my driver's license and an envelope of cash so that I wouldn't have a backup {debit card} option to buy anything else that I didn't need.

How do you pocket your dollars?  Thanks for stopping by!

A Birth Story {baby 4}

A couple weeks ago I decided to share the birth stories of my children...{honestly, I decided to write them mostly for personal reasons...to finally get them "written" down}.

Consider yourself warned...this could be a very lengthy and wordy post.

Today is the first birthday of my last baby...my one and only precious boy.

I love this little boy so much.  There really are not words to describe my love for any of my children.

This may be the longest and most difficult birth story for me to put down on paper.  As this pregnancy and birth was very emotional for me.

I realized and knew I was pregnant on December 31, 2010.  Yes, I say realized {there was no need for a pregnancy test}, maybe it is natural maternal instincts or something, but I knew for certain without a doubt that I was pregnant.

We were on our way to our best friends' home for a New Years Eve family get together.  My husband knew "something" was going on in my head that I wasn't sharing.  On the long drive, I blurted out my news.  Within minutes he was pulling into a Walgreen's parking lot to get a test, hoping my "intuition" was wrong.

We already had three kids.  We never planned on four.  We were already going through a lot of "stuff".  We did not have the capacity for another baby.

Upon arriving at our friends' home, I made a bee line for the bathroom, coming out minutes later not able to even look at my husband {which confirmed the answer...yes}.  We didn't talk about it for days.  We didn't share our news for months.  We came to grips with having another baby and soon embraced the gift we would have.

We decided to find out what we were having at my twenty one week ultra-sound.  The technician confirmed it was a boy.  I was shocked!  We already had three girls.  I was sure I was having another.  Girls were all that I knew.  I was frightened to have a boy {to say the least}.

My pregnancy was quick and healthy.  Although, it was the most tiring of them all...I guess having a six year old, five year old, and a one year old will do that to you.

I had a scheduled c-section at thirty-nine weeks.  We went in to the hospital on the morning of August eighteenth {2011}.  I was very nervous and scared, as I have been for delivering all of my babies.

The c-section went well, even though it seemed to take so much longer than any other.

We had a beautiful baby boy.  Born at 12:09 pm. 7 pounds, 7 ounces. 21 inches long.

I was given a quick glimpse of my little boy before he was taken into another room to get stats and cleaned up, while the doctor and nurses finished with me.

Upon arriving back to my room, the nurses, my husband, and a pediatric specialist entered the room with little W for a very quick and brief second to inform me they were taking him to the NICU.  Apparently he was having trouble breathing.  Little W was whisked off to the NICU while the specialist stuck around to give my husband and I horrible news that it was quite possible that W could have a rare lung disease that less than 1% of babies have and it was most typical in boys.

The doctor continued to explain things and "possibilities", told use about tests, and so forth.  But, all I heard was "Bad. Bad. Bad."  What I was feeling was heartbreak, failure, bad mother.  What I was thinking was "this is all my fault...it's all because I wasn't initially excited about another baby", "what did I do wrong?", what could I have done different?".  And I was praying...and praying...and praying...for this precious life.

I was so heartbroken, and scared, and feeling guilty.  There is nothing worse {in this situation} than just having a baby and not being able to hold him.  I sat in my room recovering, trying to rest, but unable to do anything except for worry.

I willed myself out of bed just five hours after my surgery to get down to the NICU to be with my baby.

He was under an oxygen hood and was connected to oodles of hardware and machines.  My heart broke even more.  I sat by his "crib" and just cried and cried.  I stayed as long as I could tolerate the pain before I had to go back to my room to rest.

I continued to go down to the NICU to stay with him every chance I could.  Each time I went I would sit by his bed, offer my finger - which he always grasped, and pray as the tears would fill my eyes.

It took a couple of days, several x-rays, and several tests before we were given an answer that he did NOT have the feared rare lung disease.  Instead it was {curable with time} under developed lungs and minor "stuff" that would just take time and patience.

Every day from the first day, I would beg and plead with the doctors and nurses to let me hold him...his stats always seemed to improve when I was near him or would sit with may hands on his body.  The nurses were on board with my plea, but the main {scowly} doctor in charge never allowed it and refused to let me.  On day three one of the nurses made the executive decision to let me hold my little boy {the doctor caught us and was so not happy - we didn't care though}.  His stats sky rocketed with improvement and it felt so wonderful to have him in my arms.

The doctor forbid me from holding him again after that for a day {until a different doctor came on board and I mentioned having my son moved to another hospital that favors "kangaroo" care with the mommy}.

I was discharged from the hospital after four days...leaving my baby in the NICU.  I felt a whirlwind of emotions playing tug of war with me.  Each day I went to the hospital 3 to 5 times a day to be with my little boy.  When I was at home with my other children, all I could think about was how I should be sitting by my baby's side in the hospital.  When I was at the hospital to feed and hold my baby, I felt guilty that my other kids needed me too.

Over the course of ten days, our son's health improved tremendously...he was a strong fighter.  His lungs developed much quicker than the doctors thought they would, and we were finally able to bring him home!

It felt so wonderful to have our little boy home and to be a complete family under one roof.

Less than one week after coming home, we were getting ready to go to bed around eleven pm.  I had little W in the baby swing.  As I was getting ready and brushing my teeth, I heard W make a funny gagging sound so I went to check on him...he was clearly having troubles breathing and seemed to be choking.  I grabbed him out of the swing, yelled for my husband, and called 911.

My heart and stomach felt like they were crammed in my throat.  The 911 operator lead us through a couple things to do.  Within minutes we had quite a spectacle of emergency responders arrive, just as my husband was able to get W to take a breath!  Thankfully, everything from this "episode" turned out OK, and W has been healthy and happy to this day.

For my little baby boy...
I cannot believe you are already one year old!  A year ago I fell so in love with you and feared the worst things a mother could imagine.  You are such a strong little boy.  You bring so much joy to my life.  There are no words to adequately express the unimaginable love that I have for you!